I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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