Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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