your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
