only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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