thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
