69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
