i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize