I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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