What a fucking waste of an outfit
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
