Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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