his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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