There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
