If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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