I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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