I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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