i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize