How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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