my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize