I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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