I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
