All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
