So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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