Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
