if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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