So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
