I think I am morally bankrupt
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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