Soap is not a condiment
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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