pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
