My first STD was from a foam party
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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