I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
