My liver just broke up with me...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
