she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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