I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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