I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
