as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
