That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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