I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
