If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
