it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
