Apparently you make a good broom.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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