my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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