There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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