we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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