I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
