You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
