toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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