I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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