I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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