I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
