Don't make out with my wife yet
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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