She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
how drunk are you?
Several
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
