there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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