you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
