her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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