Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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