He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
