i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
