I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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