We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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