You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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