i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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