yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think my moral compass just broke
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