the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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