i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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