Duck Duck Cougar?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
