he looks like a really good dad on facebook
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
