yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
