Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
