After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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