this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
