I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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