awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
