I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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