you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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