they need to just BURY HIM!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
