I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
