Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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