but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
how drunk are you?
Several
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
