She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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