worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She bit a glass in half.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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