You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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